I just got back from walking Abbey to her very first day of Preschool ever. The emotional wreck side of me thought I would burst out into tears, but the rational calm and collected person held it together. You see, my kid, from the day she was born has been “Lil Miss Independent” which makes it much easier for me to be able to “let go” when it comes to the big steps. I don’t get emotional over this type of stuff, is there something wrong with me?
Maybe because I waited 4 years to “let go” and I was at the point in our relationship where a little bit of “me time” was something I was really looking forward to.
Maybe because she was old enough to actually want to go, and had been asking about going to school. She was excited to go and wasn’t fighting it. We walked through the gate, she dropped her backpack, yelled “Bye Mom!” and bolted for the playground. I think if I had a much less independent child, and she was crying to not leave her, I would have broken down too.
I’ve never had that type of child, so I’ve never had to be that type of mom.
I’m a very independent person. I live by the credo “If you want it done right, do it yourself.”, so I’ve always just stepped up to the plate without many questions asked. If children learn by example, it’s no wonder that she wasn’t wailing and clinging to my leg as I tried to shake her off.
Part of me it totally OK with the scenario that happened this morning. She’s going to go and have the best day ever and not worry about mom at all. She’s going to make new friends and learn new songs.
Try new experiences.
Learn new routines.
She’s going to come home and talk about it all night and beg to go back tomorrow and the next day and the next. And I am going to be OK with it.
The other part of me wonders if something is wrong with me because I didn’t cry.
Maybe I’ve had to be the “grown up” for so long, that I am emotionally empty with the small day to day mundane. The first day of school should be a big deal for moms, but I am excited for her, not sad for me. I am glad she’s going to have an outlet and that she’s becoming a little person in the community. I am happy she’s growing up and that she’s happy about it too. She loves being a big kid and I am proud of the fact that I raised an emotionally mature kid who doesn’t need mom around to be confidant and have a good time.
Don’t get me wrong, I walked back through the front door into an quiet and empty house and wondered what I was going to do with the next 6 hours. Clean? Blog? Sleep? Eat junk food without having to share? Enjoy a hot cup of coffee? All of the above? I’ve never had that much time to myself with little to nothing to do on my list. I think it will be harder for me to get used to the quiet after 4 years of chaos, than miss my daughter while she’s off learning and becoming who she’s meant to be.
Maybe the first day of college will be harder for me.
And for all you moms with preschoolers starting soon, here’s an adorable free printable to create some memories with!